Drunken Shenanigans
by KiannaKitter
Summary: What did Kurt and Blaine do with the booze April gave them as a wedding present? Well, they drank it, of course. Cue drunken sex in the janitors closet. This contains a bit of smut, be warned. But also a lot of fluff and some humour ;)


**I drabbled again. It's been a while, but this just needed to be written. Because honestly, they gave Klaine booze in the last episode and we didn't even get to see all the fun they could have had together with that. I was waiting for someone else to write something, but the idea has apparently not occured to anyone else and I got tired of waiting, so I wrote it. Enjoy :)**

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Kurt stumbles down the corridor, giggling, with Blaine in tow as they make their way through McKinkey high, none of them really knowing where they're going or caring, for that matter. He suddenly feels Blaine grab his hand, turn him around and push him up against a wall and if Kurt was even the slightest bit sober he would worry about the jocks catching them, but right now all he can focus on is Blaine's lips moving up his throat. His fiancé is switching between kissing the tender spot right next to his adams apple that he knows drives Kurt absolutely crazy and whispering soft declarations of love into his ear.

"_You are the most beautiful man in the world and you smell incredible."_

"_Your skin is so smooth, so perfect...you look like you were cut from marble."_

"_I love you, Kurt. So much. I just can't get enough of you."_

"And you, my love...are so corny." Kurt interrupts him and pulls back so he can look Blaine in the eye and just as he expected they're unfocused and almost blown completely black with lust. Kurt has no doubt that that look is mirrored in his own heated gaze as Blaine leans back in to suck at his pulse point.

"Mmmm." Blaine mumbles against his skin. "You love it." Kurt can't argue with that.

"You're drunk, Blaine." It's not an accusation, just a statement and the truth. But of course, as all drunks before him, Blaine feels the need to deny it.

"No, I'm...I'm not...", he slurs just a little bit. "There is no way, cross my heart...", he actually does cross his heart in the cutest way and Kurt holds back a chuckle. "...and hope to die, that I am in any way...". A hiccup follows. "...drunk." Kurt just quirks an eyebrow at him as Blaine sways a tiny bit on the spot, then decides to prove a point by letting go of him abruptly and watching as he almost tumbles to the floor without any support holding him up.

"You were saying?" It's a challenge, it's a game between them and it's fun. Like ping pong.

"You caught me off guard!" Blaine argues as he is pulled to his feet again, but he knows he's lost the argument. "Alright. Okay. So I may be a little bit on the drunk side...". He concedes.

"Little bit? You can barely stand on your own." Kurt smiles as he feels Blaine try to get back to what he was doing before Kurt interrupted him. He mouths against Kurt's perfect porcelain skin and much to Blaine's surprise Kurt doesn't push him away or asks him to stop, instead he leans his head back against the wall to give him more room to attack his neck and that's when it hits Blaine. Kurt would never allow this form of PDA in a school full of homophobes in the middle of freaking Ohio unless he was undoubtedly intoxicated too.

"Fine, but you're drunk too." He smirks as he pulls back to just really look at Kurt. Drunk Kurt is not a Kurt he gets to see often and he secretly loves drunk Kurt. Okay, maybe not so secretly since Blaine has no filter and therefore has a habit of telling Kurt this little fact every time he gets the chance. Drunk Kurt is relaxed and giggly and just...loose. Kurt stares right back at him and for a moment it looks like he is gonna tell Blaine that he is wrong, but the staring contest only lasts for all of three seconds before the mask cracks and Kurt descends into a giggle fit for no apparent reason and if that didn't give it away, he doesn't know what would.

"You are so cute, you know that. I love it when you're drunk." Blaine just watches him fondly and smiles knowingly.

"Oh my goodness", Kurt says when he can finally breathe again. "Okay, I admit it. I am drunk and I know you love it, but you can stop smirking mister, at least I am not totally wasted like you."

"Hey! That's not fair, I'm tiny!" Blaine pouts.

"Yes, you are...Frodo." Kurt sniggers, but then wraps his arms around Blaine's shoulders and presses a flirty kiss to his cheek. "_My_ Frodo."

"Shut up." Blaine glares, but there's no heat behind it.

"So, care to enlighten me...my lovely little midget." Kurt says as he starts nosing at Blaine's temple. Blaine gives him another look, but Kurt just smiles lovingly at him and plays with the curls in the back of his neck in a way that makes Blaine weak in the knees. "What does you being the size of a hobbit have to do with anything?"

"Well, Mr. Smarty Pants." Blaine says. "First of all, any more height jokes and you won't get lucky tonight", he warns and Kurt just makes an 'Yeah right, as if you would ever say no to me' face that makes Blaine wanna grab him and kiss away that annoyingly attractive smirk even though they both know Kurt is right. "You are infuriating, you know that?" It's a rhetorical question and Blaine suddenly gets distracted by a patch of white skin popping up from Kurt's collar that he just has to taste. "Mmmm...you are also so very hot." Kurt beams a little but is actually quite interested in where this discussion was going.

"Thank you. But honey, focus. You were saying something...about...mmm...about...". And it takes Kurt a lot of strength to keep his train of thought when Blaine is doing that thing with his tongue. "About...your size...and alcohol...?" That seems to break Blaine out of whatever trance he was in as he slowly lifts his head.

"Oh right." Blaine blinks for a few seconds trying to form a coherent thought and it's one of the most adorable things Kurt has ever seen. "What was I saying?" It takes a little longer for Blaine to remember what they were actually talking about but he finally gets there. "Right, right...it means that my tolerance is naturally lower, because I am smaller...so it doesn't take as much."

"Hmmm...interesting theory." Kurt tries to say but it comes out more as a groan than actual words when Blaine picks that moment to sink his teeth into his skin hard enough to leave a mark. "Oh God", a strangled moan escapes his lips before he can stop it and the sound seems to rile up Blaine even more as he presses his body as close to Kurt's as he can, lining their hips up.

"Are we done talking about this? Because as fascinating as this topic is, there are so many other things I would rather do right now." Blaine asks and Kurt nods. _Because yes, yes yes...fuck yes!_

Blaine leans in and kisses him right on the mouth and Kurt can taste the alcohol on his lips as his fingers tangle themselves in Blaine's hair, freeing it from the gel prison. He tugs a bit on the curls and Blaine moans into his mouth as he starts grinding his hips against Kurt's thus creating the most delicious friction and in the back of Kurt's mind his clouded brain faintly remembers that they are still in the middle of the hallway at school and '_OMG, what the hell was in those flasks!?'_. Because this is so not how Kurt Hummel normally acts. Except for in private. Whatever was in those flasks must have been pretty strong stuff because it's completely removed any inhibitions and sense of decency they have. It's not until Kurt feels Blaine's hard-on rub against him that he snaps out of the haze of pleasure and realizes they have to move this party somewhere else or they are for sure gonna get caught once the bell rings. Which could be any moment now. How much time has passed? Five minutes or five hours? The whole concept of time seems to have stopped existing. It usually does when he is making out with Blaine. And with alcohol in the mix, the confusion is even worse.

"Blaine, baby. Wait." He tries to urge Blaine off him gently.

"No, Kurt. Please. Don't do this to me. I am gonna die. I need you." Blaine whines deep in his throat.

"Don't worry. We don't have to stop. We just have to go somewhere more private. Then you can ravish me all you like."

"Ravish, eh?" Blaine wiggles his eyebrows.

"You're a dork." Kurt smiles.

"I'm your dork though." Blaine smiles right back.

"That you are, forever and always...". Kurt whispers and Blaine beams as Kurt kisses him softly one more time, long and deep. When they break apart they are both breathless.

"So...where to? And please don't say your house, because I don't think I can make it that far."

"I was thinking the janitors closet." Kurt gives him a mischievous look and Blaine's eyes widen. Because this is new. Public sex. Or semi-public sex is not something they have tried before. And Kurt really really hopes he isn't going to regret this.

"Are you sure? I mean, I was totally kidding about not being able to make it to your house and I don't want you to do something you are uncomfortable with just because I..." Blaine starts babbling and Kurt brings a finger to his lips to silence him.

"Baby, I am sure." He starts pulling a stunned Blaine down the hallway towards the janitors closet and stops in front of it. "Now...how about we finish these first and get rid of the evidence." He holds up his flask. "And then we lock ourselves in here." He points to the door. "And you show me just how much you love me. How does that sound?"

"Like I've died and gone to heaven." And just the way Blaine says it, with so much affection makes Kurt's breath hitch. He shakes his head a little, trying to clear it. Always trust Blaine to come up with the sappiest of sap. "_Not good at romance, my ass._" Kurt thinks just before he puts the flask to his lips and empties it. He isn't surprised to find it's almost empty already or the fact that he can't actually taste anything. He suspects Blaine is in much the same situation. Which is not a bad thing as long as none of them barfs on the other or pass out.

He has barely dropped the now empty flasks in the trash can on the corner before he feels himself being pulled forcibly into the dimly lit closet. _When did Blaine have time to open it? And how did I not notice that? I am drunker than I thought. _

He doesn't have time to think more about it though as Blaine attaches his lips to his collarbone, unties his scarf and starts unbottoning his shirt, quickly removing it and pulling it off his shoulders so he can begin mapping out the wide flawless expanse of Kurt's torso with his lips; over his chest, down to his stomach and up again. And Kurt's glad he decided to go without an undershirt today. This is no time for layers. Not when those soft lips are doing things to Kurt's insides and Blaine is taking advantage of it. He slowly moves up to Kurt's nipples and teases them one by one with his tongue, then bites down, making Kurt yelp only to softly blow on them to settle the sting afterwards. Naturally Kurt's nipples are rock hard by the end of it and he is so turned on.

"Off." Kurt commands as he pulls at Blaine's red polo, eager to feel skin against skin. "Now!"

Blaine quickly follows orders and Kurt doesn't know where it comes from but before he can stop himself it slips from his lips. "Good boy." Blaine freezes for a moment and looks at him, eyes turning darker and Kurt knows there is something there they could and should explore, but not now, some other time. One sexual exploration at a time, he reasons.

As soon as Blaine's shirt is gone he pulls him into a tight hug and they just kiss slowly, enjoying the closeness and the heat of their skin pressed together. Blaine buries his hands in Kurt's hair and Kurt knows how Blaine loves that he is the only one allowed to mess up the coiff. It doesn't take much for the kisses to turn heated again and he feels the exact moment the last shots of alcohol they consumed hits Blaine's system because he becomes much more aggressive. He is kissing Kurt harder, moaning louder and basically humping Kurt's leg desperate for friction. He is sweating so much his curls are breaking free and falling around his face and it's the hottest Kurt has ever seen him.

"Fuck, Blaine." He pants. "You look delicious." Blaine just moans in response.

"I want to blow you. Please, can I?" Blaine drops to his knees in front of him and bows his head and there's that thing again. It's like Blaine wants to serve him, like he gets off on it. On the submission. And Kurt makes another mental note to explore this further at some point, because he certainly don't mind if Blaine is into that, but it's something they have to talk about before they actively engage in such activities, bounderies has to be in place first - and safewords. And..._oh_...he is pulled back to reality by a mouth on his cock. Blaine has pulled it out of the fly and is taking him like he was born to do it and Kurt can't help but grab his head and guide it in just the right tempo.

"Blaine...mmm. So...good. You're so good...at that." Blaine just hums around him in response as he looks up at Kurt through his dark eyelashes and Kurt only just manages to stop himself from coming.

"Wait...wait. Blaine. I don't want to come yet." Blaine pulls off and looks at him curiously. Kurt leans down and whispers hoarsely in his ear. "I want to fuck you."

Blaine just stares at him in awe, but then his expression turns to confused.

"But...we have no lube? And I know I'm drunk, but I am not _that_ drunk."

"Oh, but we do. Look around you. We are in the janitors closet." Kurt grabs a gallon and holds it in front of Blaine's eyes so he can read the label. "_Antiseptic Hand Soap_".

"You sure about this, Kurt?" Blaine still looks doubtful.

"Positive. It's for cafeterias in schools and hospitals. It's mild so it won't sting and it will do the job." Blaine is looking at him like '_how the hell do you know that?_' and maybe he does deserve an explanation, Kurt thinks. "Okay, so Carole may or may not have brought a gallon home from the hospital once and I may or may not have tried it out on myself one time when I ran out of lube." And Kurt is blushing, actually blushing, even though they are so far from the nervous virgins they once were. He chances a look at Blaine to gauge his reaction, but he is just sort of sitting there in stunned silence, until...

"You...you actually...you...with that...on yourself...you wanted to get off so badly that you..." And Kurt thinks he might actually have broken his fiancé. "Kurrrrrrrt." The r is dragged out and suddenly Blaine is there in front of him again, kissing him like his life depends on it, images of a desperately horny Kurt getting himself off playing in his mind.

"I take it you liked that little piece of information?" Kurt teases.

"Fuck, Kurt. Yes. Hot. So so hot. Want you now." Is all Blaine gets out and Kurt would tease him some more about "Caveman Blaine", if he hadn't been achingly hard for so long it's actually starting to hurt.

He gets the gallon open while Blaine shimmies out of his pants and quickly dips his fingers down into the thick liquid. The feel of it is actually not that different from lube, it's almost without any odor or colour and Kurt figures that as long as he doesn't ingest it he will be fine. He puts the gallon where he can reach it should he need it and starts touching Blaine carefully.

"You ready, babe?" He hums and Kurt takes it as confirmation as he starts prepping Blaine. "Just relax. I got you." And he really does. He's done this dance so many times before it's like second nature, he knows Blaine, every little moan and groan of pleasure making up a glorious symphony of sound and Kurt plays him like an instrument. He won't hurt Blaine in the process and Blaine knows that. Which is why it doesn't take long at all before Blaine is relaxed and open and ready for Kurt who lubes up and slides in. He lifts one of Blaine's legs to rest on a shelf for better access and bends him over slowly urging him to brace himself against the wall, the space is tight after all.

"Yes, baby. Oh my God, yes! Move! Please. Fuck me." Blaine begs and they are so in sync because Kurt is so done waiting. This is way overdue and he just needs release. They both do. So Kurt pounds into him relentlessly at the same time as he wraps a hand around Blaine's member jerking him off, both chasing their orgasms. For a while there is nothing but pants and moans and "Yes, please, harder!" and "Fuck, you take my cock so well!" in the air along with that dirty sound of skin slapping against skin and none of them can find it in themselves to care about how loud they are being. This is pure animalistic need brought forth by an alcohol induced haze and the fact they could get walked in on just makes everything hotter for some reason that probably wouldn't make sense if Kurt was sober. But alas, he is not and right now all he can think about is that this, without a doubt, is the hottest sex they have ever had to date. And that is saying something because they have had a lot.

Blaine comes first, he cries out Kurt's name as his whole body shakes and his orgasm rushes through him forcing his muscles to contract around Kurt, effectively dragging the orgasm from him and milking him for all he is worth. Kurt pulls out and they collapse on the floor, both panting. Then kissing and smiling goofily and drunkenly at each other.

"Shit Kurt, that was...", Blaine is looking for the right word.

"Amazing?" Kurt ask.

"Fucking amazing." Blaine agrees.

They sit for a while longer, just catching their breaths before they clean up using some paper towels. It's really surprisingly practical how many necessities for gay sex you can actually find in a janitors closet. Kurt has only just managed to tuck himself back into his fly, his shirt still only pulled over his shoulders and open, as he turns to help Blaine put his pants back on, when the door opens and he is momentarily blinded by the light. Once his eyes adjust he wishes they hadn't.

In front of them stands former Principal Figgins - now Janitor Figgins, current Principal Sue Sylvester, Mr. Schue and Emma, April Rhodes, Holly Holliday and the whole Glee club, new and former members included. They are all just staring at them like they are zoo animals and Blaine makes an undignified sound as he scrambles to pull his pants up while trying to hide behind his fiancé. Kurt is just frozen. Absolutely frozen.

_This is not happening, this is not happening, this is not happening. _A constant chant in his head. _This is one of those dreams where you're naked in front of the class. You are gonna wake up in a second. Come on! Wake up Kurt! _

Nothing happens. There is just silence and it keeps expanding, and it's like no one dares break it, except for of course, Santana.

"Wanky." She smirks and that makes Kurt wake up.

"Shut it, Satan." He hisses as he stumbles to his wobbly feet dragging a now thankfully clothed, but severely rumbled and still very much drunk Blaine with him. "Excuse us." He says as he steps out of the closet but Mr. Schue stops them.

"What were you boys thinking!? It is completely inappropriate behavior and..." Will stops himself when Kurt's starts laughing. "What are you laughing about, nothing about this is funny."

"Yeah, it is. You're one to judge. Don't pretend you didn't do exactly the same thing with Emma just last week. We have all heard about your baby-making escapades." Kurt chuckles as Will splutters and Emma suddenly starts cleaning her hands excessively.

"That's not...it's none of your business...we...we're adults! We...I...um...". Will seems at a loss for words and suddenly everyone breaks out into laughter.

"And so are we. I am over 18, Blaine just turned 18. Plus, I am not even a student here anymore and Blaine is graduating in a week, so what ya gonna do about it?" Kurt's never had that much cheeky bravado before but he's grown up a lot after moving to New York and if he's honest with himself the alcohol probably helps too. All he knows is that he is not going to be lectured by his high school teacher like this. Especially not Mr. Schue. They're equals now. Blaine is just standing there again in complete awe of his fiancé and even Sue looks mildly impressed.

"Well Twinkle Tush. Anyone who can out sass butt-chin here is alright in my book. I'll let you off the hook this time Porcelain, both you and young Burt Reynolds, but don't make a habit of this." And with that she is gone while Will is left standing scowling in her direction before he turns back to them.

"Don't get smart with me, Kurt." He walks closer to them, suddenly his brow furrows. "Wait." A little bit closer and both Kurt and Blaine know they are busted. "Ugh, you reek of alcohol! Kurt, I thought you had learned from your mistake last time, but obviously not. How did you even...? I saw you only an hour ago in the choir room and you were sober, where did you get the...?" Kurt glances vaguely in April's direction and Will stops abruptly and slowly turns towards her.

"Well, I guess this is my cue to leave." April smiles nervously as she starts to retreat.

"Oh no, you don't. April!" Will turns to follow her. "Come back here! April, again!? Really? What did I say the last time!? You can't do stuff like this!" His voice echoes down the halls and then trails off until they can't hear him anymore and most of the crowd starts to desperse, each with different expressions on their faces ranging from proud, to shocked, to impressed, to surprised to unreadable.

"I can't believe that lady got me drunk at school twice." Kurt muses. "She really is a horrible influence." He pauses. "Well, this has been fun." Kurt concludes and tries to leave but Puck has a hand on his shoulder.

"Dude! That was awesome! Not only did you get drunk at school, you nailed your boyfriend in the janitors closet and you put Mr. Schue in his place like a pro!" Puck sticks out his fist for a fist bump and after a few seconds Kurt actually fist bumps him. "It was badass. I'm so proud."

"Yeah well thanks, but don't call be dude." Puck laughs and leaves but not before giving Blaine a high five for "tapping that fine piece of ass" and once again they are both left doubting Puck's heterosexuality.

"Babe, he is right, you now. You are amazing. I am so glad I am marrying you." Blaine smiles and leans into him putting his head on his shoulder, then yawns.

"Thanks honey. How about we go to my place and take a nap? I think we both need to sleep this off." Blaine just nods but as they turn to leave they almost trip over Emma. She's just standing there looking like she's not really sure what to do after her husband ran off.

"Oh Emma, sorry. We didn't see you." Kurt says and she looks warily up at him.

"You are not gonna puke on me again, are you?" She ask worriedly and Blaine seems to put two and two together as he starts laughing uncontrollably.

"Don't tell me...this is the woman from the Bambi story...?" He starts and looks at Kurt for confirmation.

"Yup, meet Bambi". Kurt smiles. "And don't worry Emma. No puking this time, I think your shoes are safe."

She just smiles timidly at him and scurries off looking like she still expects Kurt to start projectile vomiting all over her any second.

"I think I really traumatized her." Kurt sighs. Beside him Blaine is clutching his stomach and struggling to breathe from laughing too hard. "Okay, get it out of your system. I know you're dying to."

"You puked all over an OCD person!?" Blaine almost yells. "Oh my God, Kurt. That poor woman!? How come you never told me it was her?" He asks.

"Maybe because I knew you would act like a 5 year old and have a field day with it." Kurt states but he's smiling.

"I do not act like a 5 year old", Blaine pouts and pulls out the sad puppy eyes. He knows they are like kryptonite to Kurt.

"Okay stop it right there, you know I can't stand the kicked puppy look, so knock it off. It's not fair." Kurt pleads.

"Sorry", Blaine says, but he smirks and doesn't sound sorry at all.

"Brat".

"You love me."

"Hmm." Kurt grumbles and they begin walking down the hall towards the exit. "I don't know anymore."

That clearly was the wrong thing to say as Blaine begins singing loudly. "You love me, you want to hug me, you want to love me..." He is dancing and radiating sheer joy and Kurt's heart does a little jump at the sight. He didn't think it was possible to love Blaine any more than he does already, but in this moment he has never loved him more. "...You want to smooch me, you want to..."

He is cut off by Kurt's lips on his and Blaine smiles into the kiss.

"Promise me something." Kurt says.

"Anything." And Blaine is looking at him with such adoration it takes Kurt's breath away.

"Don't ever stop singing."

Blaine smiles softly.

"I promise." Then he counters. "Will you promise me something in return?"

"Anything".

"Don't ever stop loving me." And Kurt absolutely swoons.

"I promise, as long as you do the same."

"Deal".

And after one last lingering kiss, they walk hand in hand out the doors.


End file.
